I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
