I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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