he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
