i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sex in a hospital.. check
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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