i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
