so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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