no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
