Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
