if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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