eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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