there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
