GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
