I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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