I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
