So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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