i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
