Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
