i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
