I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't put those talents on a resume
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
