Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize