Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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