I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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