Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
