11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
