ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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