I hope mine doesn't look like that
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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