Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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