i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
