Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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