so explain again why im purple
no
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize