I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
