We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
