i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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