Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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