How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
