God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
