so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
