:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
