Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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