I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
