Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
