Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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