Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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