I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize