Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
