i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize