I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i think i just lost a toe
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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