you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize