The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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