Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
