omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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