IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
