Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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