so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
