..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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