I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize