So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
