Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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