She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
