accomplished twins. life is a go
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
