we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
