I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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