I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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