I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
