Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
