Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
