I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
