If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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