My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bring me that man meat
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
