i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Houston, we have a blender
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
