barbara walters just said penis...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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