That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
